BYOTP (Bring Your Own Toilet Paper)

(Navyn) OK, I have to admit, I am a little pissed off. I never liked writing but nobody else in the family wanted to contribute to the blog, so I did it. Now everyone wants to jump on the bandwagon and my blogs don’t even make it to press anymore. Even Paul took over my job as the reflective, thoughtful voice of reason and wrote something nice. So to keep things interesting, I will focus this blog on toilets and politics, two topics you may think Paul is more adept at addressing.

Maya & Paul cruising Beijing

Three flights, three times zones and three countries later, we arrive in time for spring in Beijing. It’s about 50 degrees cooler than it was in Maldives so we quickly dive into the “cold weather” side of our suitcases to pull out more layers. To get acquainted with the city we all hopped aboard motorcycles with sidecars just like Mr. Peabody and Sherman and cruised; shades on, hair blowing in the wind, lungs restricted by the minute as we inhaled the infamous polluted air and bus fumes as if we just smoked a dozen packs of Marlboro Lights. We quickly ticked off the touristy highlights around the city as the locals giggled at the entertaining mode of transportation, not to mention a western family with four girls. I felt more like WE were the tourist attraction as people stopped us in Tian’anmem Square to get their picture taken with the girls.

On Easter morning, instead of brunch and an Easter egg hunt, I decided to read The Communist Manifesto and take a walk along The Great Wall of China. Why not mix it up a bit right? (OK, confession, I am only reading this because it is homework for a leadership seminar I must attend the first week of May in Baltimore. At first I was not happy to have homework as it was interrupting my superb track record of not working while on sabbatical. However, many of my required readings range from Aristotle, to the Declaration of Independence and Plato’s Republic and as I try to teach the girls about the many forms of governments and economic systems that exist in our world, I don’t actually mind feeing like a high school student again.)

The Great Wall with great girls

I have always wanted to see the Great Wall of China and we were very fortunate to have a clear, sunny day to see it in it’s springtime glory, not to mention to take this walk along the wall with the pioneering William Lindesay, the first westerner to walk the entire 1,700 miles. He told wonderful stories of everything from the history of the Mongols and Genghis Khan to his personal trials and tribulations of completing this daunting feat of walking it in just 78 days, despite nine arrests. His passion and knowledge gave us an incredible way to learn about this great wonder of the world. We hiked up 464 steps on one especially steep section, arriving at the top, sweating, knees shaking, thighs burning (ok I am incredibly out of shape, missing Larry and eating too many buffets), to take in a spectacular view of the snaking walls as they wind their way across the tippy tops of incredibly high mountain peaks. From the top of the guard towers, you can clearly see why it was an uphill battle for the Mongols and no wonder they could not cross into China. It was, as billed, a great wonder of the world.

As we try to understand China, it is very hard to summarize and not fair to base it on just a few people’s opinions. When I asked our first guide how he would define communism, he said he is not supposed to talk about it and really doesn’t have any feelings, for or against. He was really indifferent and felt it was a waste of time because his ideas or complaints would not lead to any significant change. As Americans, we just cannot understand this cultural difference. Even in Myanmar and Cambodia you can feel the energy of their citizens poised and ready to fight their governments for these rights. I desperately wanted to ask more people in China why they weren’t upset being told what they can watch, read and write.

In my hotel room there was a strange notice on the desk letting us know to expect difficulties searching international web sites as there was a problem throughout Beijing. Either there is really bad wifi in China (unlikely) or searching the internet is frowned upon and intentionally blocked. Paranoia sets in. What works and what doesn’t and why? Zara and I settle in to perform some tests. Google? No. YouTube? Nope. Facebook? Negative. Instagram? Tragically for the kids, no. OK, let’s try something a little less threatening, Weather.com…success! Perhaps you could say it is a curious combination of protectionism and propaganda. What better way to make Chinese companies more successful than telling the competition to hit the road? The newspapers report glowing stories about new scientific discoveries, advances in the fight against pollution and the arrests of those who have tried to flee the country after committing economic crimes – a reminder to stay in your place and enjoy all of China’s progress.

I have never really enjoyed debating politics, but here, it is actually fascinating. Who is more capitalist, USA or China? Who is more socialist? We have seen t-shirts that say Oba-mao with a picture of our president wearing a communist uniform! Chairman Mao still stands proudly in many city squares despite his attempts to make all people equal during his Cultural Revolution that starved millions back in the 1960’s. Who am I to judge, I heard Lincoln Chafee (RI former Governor, Senator) is considering a run for President. When I hear news like that even I am thinking of joining the communist party. I feel a little like Christiane Amanpour, reporting live and undercover from an undisclosed location inside communist, socialist, capitalist China. Perhaps I will not post this blog until we reach Nepal. Now, on to more important topics, like toilets.

I woke up, with my eyes still closed, and stumbled into the dark bathroom. Thankfully my toilet lights up, opens it’s lid and starts up the fan. Once finished, I can then choose from twelve different options for “cleaning up”. If everything is made in China, and it’s technology so advanced, why are their toilets still in the ground and it’s BYOTP? Not even at the biggest tourist sites are there proper toilets and toilet paper. After much investigation, I learn it is all about the level of squatting. It is considered disgusting to sit on a public toilet seat so instead they have taken away this option and instead you squat way down low, and just hover inches off the ground. We have not perfected this technique despite 10 days of trying. The pee splatters everywhere, my sneakers are sprinkled, the bottom of my pants are wet from whatever slippery liquids surround the porcelain hole in the ground. I don’t want to be this close to my toilet and feel like I am indoor camping. Seriously, I don’t think I could even discuss #2, some things must be left to Paul. I find myself looking forward to getting home to the hotel where I can push all the buttons to clean up from a day out. Where is the button to wash my sneakers?

While we are discussing the topic of unsanitary conditions, the rest of the day had a number of other questionable practices we skeptically partook in. The first was reflexology. We entered a sketchy building, walked to the second floor where they divided the six of us into two rooms. Nobody spoke A WORD of English (common theme here), so we weren’t entirely sure what we were in for. We laid back in cushy, not so clean recliners and experienced a cross between an unlicensed chiropractic appointment and torture chamber. There was even a moment where they lit a stick on fire, put it in a cup and then attached the very hot cup to the bottom of my foot. My inner balance should be greatly improved after this cupping procedure I am told, if I am able to still walk.

We had 20 minutes to make it to the Chinese Opera so had to find food on the street and due to Jolie’s bad eating habits went to the Pizza Hut where they were out of large pizzas and refused to make a cheese pizza. We are now late for the opera so we bring our small Hawaiian pizza with us. This would not be acceptable behavior at Carnegie Hall. Next we are handed coupons for pre-show entertainment. My choices were face painting, ear picking or massage. Well, I just had a massage, and I think I am too old for face painting so I guess I have to use my coupon for ear picking. Even uttering those words sounds repulsive, nevertheless I sat down in the chair, (which happens to be in the aisle next to the people watching the opera, really??), he pulls out ten years of wax out of my ears and throws it on the ground. Thankfully the opera is more of a variety show, everyone is entertained, the girls got their faces painted and soon we can all go home for a very hot shower.