What Will a Guy do to Play Golf?
(Paul) While flying over the temples of Bagan, Myanmar in a hot air balloon the day before, I noticed a golf course near our hotel. Since it looked like it was a mile away, I thought why not go play a few holes? I wake up at 6:30am, go to the front desk and ask if I can get a ride to the golf course, they say no, but I can rent a bicycle. Sounds simple right?
I ask, can you direct me to the golf course, yes of course, it is a 45 minute ride by bicycle. I said no, no, no, it is close by, less than a mile. Someone else comes over and pulls out a map and shows that the golf course is 10 minutes away by bicycle. Then the two start to argue for 5 minutes in Burmese. After 20 minutes and 4 hotel staff and one hotel manager disagreeing about how I get to the golf course, I take the map and get pointed in a direction.
The 10 minute route is through dirt roads, so of course I take the short cut. After what I think is the right way, I am in the middle of nowhere and come a across a village where everyone comes out of their huts to see this guy in a golf hat riding a bicycle. I ask 3 women where is the golf course and they all start laughing. Pretty sure this village has not seen many Americans. I continue down the dirt road and see a paved road, ok, civilization. I ride on the paved road for a 1/2 mile and know that I’m heading away from the hotel, so I turn around and head a couple of miles in the other direction thinking I will see some sign of a golf course. No luck. I then ask a local wearing the traditional Burmese longi (skirt) and he says, golf course this way, 3 minutes. Low and behold I find the Bagan Golf course. I park my bike, go into a building, the only building, and no one is there. So I look around and find a guy in a winter hat (it’s 80 degrees now) and ask if I can play golf. He says sure and hands me a menu. 9 holes $10, 18 holes $15. You want caddy, yes, $5 dollar, you need clubs, yes, $10 dollar, you want buggy, yep, $20, need golf ball, $8. A la carte golf. $53 for 9 holes, I might have just moved the GDP of this country.
I decide to play 9 hoes with a caddy and a buggy. I’m pretty sure I am their only customer for the last week. Think I paid the salaries of everyone at the golf course for 1 month. This is a country where people make $3 to $5 per day.
I get my club rentals, Callaways from 1990, and meet my female caddy. Nice young woman who speaks little English. I ask her name twice, and I still have no idea what it is. She hops in the buggy, I drive and she points me to the first hole. I ask her for a card, golf course does not have any, I ask her for a tee and voila, she gives me one. I tee up my Srixon ball and hit the first drive into the woods, I get another ball and hit one down the middle and shockingly the caddy says, nice shot.
The fairways are mostly dirt, with some grass but from a distance the greens look ok. We get to the first green and another woman is standing on the green watering it. Not sprinkling it to keep it moist, but forming large puddles of water, right around the flagstick. I think her job is to stand there all day and water the green, she obviously takes her job seriously. The next 8 holes are a similar story. Fairways of sparse grass and a woman standing on each green with a hose. At least most of the greens were puttable. I never did see another golfer and after nine at least I can say I played golf in Myanmar. Never did see the guy with the winter hat who took all my money.
Now I get to hop on my bike and ride back to the hotel. I can see one of the towers in the distance, can’t be more than 2 miles away. So how hard will it be to get back? Turns out, very hard. I head down a dirt road going in the right direction and can now see the back of our hotel, except there is a 10 foot wall around it. I know I am less than 100 yards from our room except for this Great Wall of Burma. I start heading around the wall and come across an old rice field that is impassable. So I put my bike on my shoulder and walk across the field in dry mud. I see a small bamboo hut and head toward it and a 5 year old boy greets me and calls out for his family. The mother, the father, 3 other kids come out to check out this guy carrying a bicycle. This is their home, no bigger than 10 feet long, no electricity, a small fire to cook and an ox. I point to the hotel and they point me down a path. I wave goodbye and find a back entrance to the hotel. I made it! I see Zara and Halle, wave to them and they say, your sweating and covered in mud, what happened? I respond, played golf this morning.
Paul, I was most happy to see that you at least waited for the hot air balloon to LAND before you took off to the golf course. Another amazing adventure. Thanks for the laughs and the sharing., have fun. Tony Ford
It’s a pleasure keeping up with the Salem adventures. Good laughs reading this one and made me yearn for spring here. More snow last night.
LOL!! No mention of your score or how many balls you lost!!
I was beginning to wonder if we’d ever hear from you – apparently they did teach English at Notre Dame. Seriously funny and evidence of great fortitude in your quest to hit the little white ball. We miss all the Salems very much. Liza has me hunting for baby pictures for the girls so they can be in the BMS yearbook!
Safe travels. Enjoy.
Ha ha ! This has made one incredibly long night shift much more bearable !!
Sounds like a great day on the links in Burma, found by aerial treasure map (and from hot air balloon survey). The Stanchina family enjoys reading the posts and are happy to hear from all as the adventure continues….safe travels.
MLS
Sounds like a great day on the links in Burma, found by aerial treasure map (and from hot air balloon survey). The Stanchina family enjoy reading the posts and are happy to hear from all as the adventure continues…safe travels.
MLS
Paul
Made my day reading that story. I would do just the same.
Paul–I know a member of that club and could have gotten you on for half the fee–call next time!–go Irish best jimmy
Every time your family leaves a country I feel like we should send a good will ambassador from the U.S. to help smooth over the feathers you have ruffled and the inappropriate questions you have asked. I would love to hear the conversations of the guides, interpreters and locals after you leave a place-could be a book. Although I think your method of buying soda for all the children is a good one. Stick with that and you’ll be fine. xo r
Hi Paul,
Looking at the Header of the blog, I wondered what you would say in a few sentences. Your escapade was appropriately lengthy, detailed and hilarious. Only you could take such an adventurous route for a round of golf. I think this should be posted at the Rhode Island Golf Club in Barrington.
I am sure the family was relieved to know that you have a good sense of direction.
Papa
Michael and I were laughing out loud reading this!
What a great morning Paul.
A nice long bike ride, 9 holes, a mud bath, and networking with the locals!
Awesome!
Did you forget to apply your Paulie cream before you left?
Oh Paul! Good for you….sounds like the perfect Paul adventure. Continue to enjoy every last second…it’s all just so great. 😉
I could almost taste dirt in my mouth after reading this account!! A few years ago, I gave you a book on Xtreme Golf Courses. I think you should submit an entry for their next publication.
Great story Paul! You can’t make this stuff up.
That is hilarious!!
Not only did you get a great story, but it looks like you got some training in for the PMC.
BTW – that is a record setting amount of words for you to type. I think your last record was three sentences.
Yea this is the most Paul has ever spoken in one communication. Thanks for opening up.
PS: You must be bored
Great story Paul. I am falling out of my chair laughing. Knowing you like I do, I know every word of your golf story is true. I am sure I could still miss the fairway on that course. I hope you all continue to have a great time.
Mike
this is hysterical! love reading about all your adventures.